WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
