STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
