It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
