I must be too annoying 4 u.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
