she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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