What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
and you fell through a lawn chair
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
