Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
wanna go halves on a baby?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
