I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
