just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
