I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
