I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
