you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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