just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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