Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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