Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Pants 0. Shit 1.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
