May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
