I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
