you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
