I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
