I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Randomize
