hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
