my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
