he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
