He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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