Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
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