I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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