I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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