Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
