Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
