i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
