She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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