Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
