This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
