you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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