sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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