You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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