Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
