is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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