The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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