We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
