We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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