yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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