Hey man sorry I got all grabby
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
