Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
