Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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