And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
