There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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