I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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