Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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