just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
