Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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