BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
