I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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