Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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