after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
the raccoons are back...
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