it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
you never un-have a 4some
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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