Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
